I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
