matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
