This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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