Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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