i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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