I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize