My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Randomize
