why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
