dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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