I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
