I want to walk on stilts...naked
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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