Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
