Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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