I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
