she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
My ass is underappreciated
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
