Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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