Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
