the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize