And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
