I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
