I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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