My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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