I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
