I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
how do you play pong handcuffed?
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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