He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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