listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
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