I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
