spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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