and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
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