i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
