He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
