I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
