When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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