i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize