There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
