Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
