You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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