I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize