So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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