girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize