do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Drunk is not a location!
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
