i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
