Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
