They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
