Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
