Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
