Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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