He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
