i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
