It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
