i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
