Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize