well you can't waste a boner
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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