I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Randomize
