Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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