Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
