Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
It's never too late to be topless.
As shirtless as possible
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
