i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
