When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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