once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
