I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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