then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
