Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
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