I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
She needs sedatives and a leash
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Randomize
